Saluki Look + Bitter End + Russell Hoban

As I flipped through Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides, I came across a stellar descriptor. (I didn't write the page number down, unfortunately!) A character was described as having a "Saluki-look." Intrigued by this, I got out my phone and searched "Saluki"; turns out, a Saluki is a breed of dog that, most of the time, looks like the image below. A very distinctive appearance, insinuating the character might be slender, tall, feminine, with long or silky hair. All of that meaning crammed into two words. I'm beyond obsessed with this adjective, and it got me thinking about other "looks": a "Basset Hound-look" could be a man with droopy skin and bloodshot eyes; a "German Shepard-look" could describe a tough, hyper-alert soldier or athlete; a "Pomeranian-look" might be a woman with a cutesy appearance, perhaps a little bow in her hair and a quick but short gait. I can't tell you how much I love this concept. Dogs breeds and humans in general are wildly diverse and the comparisons have endless possibilities: personalities, movement, character, everything has potential for a spot-on link. Jeffrey nailed it, as he always does!

Thought I'd introduce one of my favorite coffee shops with a little review I wrote. Hasn't been published anywhere, except, well, here. It's a little longer than I'm aiming most of these blogs to be, but I'll make an exception for this as I want to preserve it somewhere outside of my Google Docs.

Famously open 24 hours, 7 days a week—yes, even Sundays, rare for Grand Rapids—The Bitter End Coffee House’s neon “ESPRESSO” sign attracts night owls and sleep-deprived college students like moths to a flame. Playing into the 1920s Prohibition Era aesthetic, Bitter End features a tinny jazz age soundtrack and antique-looking lamps. It’s certainly the best part of the otherwise lackluster West Fulton Street. I often recall last winter when I drank my hot Americano against one of the windows, watching flurries of snow dance outside, and envisioning myself in one of those beaded flapper outfits with my hair in a bob.

Their menu is outrageously broad, offering everything from coffee to fruit smoothies to Italian sodas. Clearly proud of their coffee sourcing, they choose high-quality beans from around the world and offer drip, pour-over, and French press. They boast over 80 syrup flavors, their drink customizations almost boundless, though they have some suggestions like “Peppermint Patty” and “Spotted Owl.” As for tea, there’s a thorough array: “oolong, darjeeling, assam, gunpowder green, lapsang suchong or Japan sencha.” Unexpectedly, they also offer boba tea, one of the very few Grand Rapids coffee houses to do so. And for those watching their liquid calories, they have eight “Lite Latte” options “made with double espresso, skim milk, sugar-free syrups and no whipped cream.” The name “Catwalk Skinny” is objectively weird, though; I’d opt to just ask for sugar-free English toffee and French vanilla in a latte rather than say the name. I don’t think a latte would make me the next Gigi Hadid. (I know it’s facetious, but still.) Oh, and the “secret stuff” in the ingredient list for the frozen coffees is a bit questionable. Just tell me what the stuff is and I’ll decide for myself if it sounds good, alright?

Though I rarely deviate from my order (they really do a great Americano) I’ve heard the Horchata is to die for, described on their website as “creme caramel and cinnamon blended with milk and topped with whipped cream.” At the counter there’s a sign describing “Bulletproof Coffee,” consisting of dilute espresso, sweet cream butter and coconut oil. They must’ve noticed the clientele is primarily caffeine-motivated, with the 24-hour time frame especially, offering numerous “strong,” “intense,” and "Red Bull-infused" drinks.

Perhaps my favorite aspect of Bitter End is the quirky mismash of art covering every square inch of wall space; though a little cliche for a coffee shop, the framed 1920s Victoria Arduino advertisement really fits the vibe, and the quips in the bathroom are hilarious. It’s not just a place to bring a laptop or a first date—it’s truly a time machine, a gem in Grand Rapids with a pleasant combination of eclecticism and liveliness, from the tin ceilings down to its porcelain floor. With some minor tweaks to their menu, I’d name Bitter End the deserving forerunner of GR coffee houses.

You have arrived at the last third of this entry. Our time together has been short but lovely. I think I'm going to start a little tradition and choose a favorite quote of mine to wrap-up each blog. Russell Hoban, author of the sci-fi cult classic Riddley Walker, dropped some wild ones in his lifetime. I'll leave you with this one. Another master of metaphor like Eugenides.

"If reality had a stage door, I'd hang around there to see what comes on after the show."